When somebody behaves in a way that damages us or makes us unhappy or causes any other bad feelings, we're likely to be angry at that person.
Maybe still years later. Mostly we think that it's right of us to react like this.
Undisputed, there are a lot of situations where injustice happens and where there seem to be good reasons for breaking up with the other. We can do that.
This strategy allows us to avoid any further suffering caused by the other person.
The question about our feelings in this situation is to be asked. Anger or grief, disappointment or even hate.
If we let that difficult feeling live on, we can burden ourselves with it in the end. The difficult feeling is being cultivated more and more only because we leave it alive.
Which fruits would be yielded in us? Healthy fruit or unhealthy fruit?
Start:
You could think about a person today, a person that caused difficult feelings in you, a person that you still have bad feelings about when you think of him or her.
For the exercise take someone that you're only a little angry at.
When you breathe today, take 5 out of 30 breathings to think "I forgive you and I forgive myself" (because it happened to you). It's not necessary to re-think this old memory. Just relax, breathe and smile for yourself...
*
How did this feel? Maybe thoughts appeared that told you not to forgive the other because he or she doesn't deserve it?
That's possible but for your own well-being it doesn't matter.
The worst thing is that YOU carry this feeling of anger, grief or even hate in you - the other person might have forgotten about it already...
If you want to feel better you could choose to forgive (you don't have to tell anyone about it ; )
Emotions we feel when our needs are not satisfied:
fierce, absent, fearful, abhorrence, afraid, alert, apathetic, breathless, agitated, mean, aghast, burdened, worried, bitter, aggrieved, dejected, dark, indifferent, chaos, disappointed, appalled, abject, frightened, lonely, miserable, exhausted, lazy, mousy, frustrated, hostile, inhibited, bored, blasé, helpless, irritated, cold, sick, grievous, faint-hearted, clouded, antsy, lethargic, beamless, melancholic, crestfallen, tired, abysmal, nervous, disheartened, depressed, envious, pessimistic, passive, baffled, lugubrious, drooping, moping, ashamed, guilty, sorrowful, dull, sad, anxious, overloaded, doubtful, overwhelmed, impatient, unhappy, full of grief, abashed, lost, peevish, addle, full of hate, desperate, hurt, angry, hesitating
Start:
If you feel one or several of these emotions often, it seems one or several of your needs hasn't been satisfied.
For the beginning you could find out which needs these are. That'll help you to feel better in the future.
Inner relaxation and breathing can give you the necessary strength : )
*
There is an enormous amount of different difficult emotions, don't you think so?
Every time you feel difficult emotions you can be sure that you can improve circumstances in your life.
That's an important beginning : )
Emotions we have when our needs are satisfied:
comfortable, excited, convenient, animated, emotional, amused, thankful, active, captivated, redeemed, fulfilled, astonished, relieved, expectant, amicable, fascinated, blithe, free, happy, friendly, affected, secure, calm, hopeful, alacritous, high-spirited, inspired, agile, funny, alive, easy, affectionate, passionate, motivated, communicative, brave, alert, curious, optimistic, quiet, safe, blessed, gentle, sunny, strong, deep, haughty, adventurous, surprised, ebullient, jubilant, airily, delightful, awake, confident, caressing, content
Start:
When you breathe today you could think of NOTHING or think of one of the above words.
You could totally relax your face step by step now, mouth, jawbones, tongue, cheeks, forehead, temporo, scalp, brain and neck. Then you can feel the breath between your temporo. Half smile, close eyes or focus on a blank point or on the star : )
Charity feels good.
When people feel like sticking up for others, that's wonderful. So far so good.
How do we find out if the things we do for others are also good for us?
What if we have to give too much of our own for giving charity?
When we sacrifice for others, charity could be misunderstood.
We are the other to the others; so it's okay to take care of yourself and call that charity.
Start:
Today you could remember the last time you did something good for somebody else but felt uneasy at the same time.
Maybe you gave advice that wasn't appreciated and still had to listen about the same problems again and again for weeks?
Did you care about someone and in the end you got no gratitude but felt exploited?
Do you help others with things they could actually do themselves and in the end you have to handle the difficulties?
Do you put the needs of others over your own needs and don't meet your own needs?
Do you let other people convince you 'against your will'?
Maybe you can think of a similar example?
Try to remember the point in time when your feeling changed and you started to dislike doing the favor.
It is this point in time when you forgot about your own needs. When you stopped giving charity... to yourself...
Breathe calmly for others, but before you do that, breathe for yourself : ) Relax face, jawbones and tongue, half smile, in- and exhale consciously, so long...
*
You could be good to yourself! That's charity : )
Only then we can give real charity to others.
If something 'bad' happens,
if someone does something 'stupid',
if someone says something 'mean',
and you're feeling uneasy with that, there's two steps to take:
1. Spontaneous tranquility: Breathe. Do NOTHING. Create inner silence.
2. Take good care of yourself out of tranquility. Find out calmly what makes you unhappy and take care calmly that it's prevented for the future.
Start:
If you like you could practice concentrated breathing today again.
So that it's very easy for you in future difficult situations.
Relax face, mouth, jawbones and tongue. Half smile. Observe the air going up the nose, think 'in' while inhaling, 'out' while exhaling. Or count: One - one, two - two, three - three... until ten and start all over...
*
Practice helps : )
We don't even need to become masters...
"He behaved so mean and did this and that..."
or
"Again, she treated me like that..."
There are lots of reasons for us to feel uneasy because of others' attitudes; maybe sad, frustrated, humiliated, aggrieved, disappointed, miserable, unhappy...
After conflicts like these, it's very important to bethink oneself of one's self and the conflict feelings.
It probably wouldn't be good for us if we'd ignore them.
What was it, precisely, that hurt us? What need hasn't been satisfied? We can think about those things the best when we come to tranquility.
On the other hand, do we want to authorize that person to hurt us?
Start:
Hurting attitudes are also created by insufficiency.
You could imagine that person as a 5-year-old now, back then when he/she was still little and sweet, innocent and full of dreams for life.
What happened to that child so that it became what it is now, hurting others, sometimes even on purpose?
Maybe you should feel sorry for the child in this person, just like you are to be commiserated with because you feel hurt?
If you'd like to relax now, you could just breathe and loosen jawbones, tongue, cheeks, forehead and brain : )
*
I leave it to him/her
People behave in certain ways because they have no other option in this moment. You may absolutely take care of yourself and protect yourself.
At the same time you could improve your comprehension. People who treat others badly are suffering themselves.
You decide whether you want to share that suffering; whether you allow that person to roll off his/her own suffering on you. Or whether you just leave it to him/her...
"I decide what I'm embarrassed for."
To feel embarrassment means to be able to view oneself from others' point of view and to evaluate things that are faulty, then to be embarrassed for those things. This is likely to come from a feeling of insufficiency.
If you'd have enough self-assuredness, you wouldn't have to feel embarrassed for anything anymore.
Even embarrassment that you feel because of others around you comes from your own insufficiency.
That is most clear when we feel embarrassed for someone who doesn't seem to feel ashamed at all.
And he/she doesn't even have to : ) When he/she is really self-assured...
Start:
Imagine a situation that you'd feel or felt embarrassed in. Respecting yourself you could think: "I respect fully everything I do. I am my own person and I'm true to myself."
Relax your face, mouth, tongue and jawbones and breathe consciously for yourself...
Respect
*
myself : )
How does an embarrassing situation feel when you think to yourself: "OK, that just happened and I'm totally confident about it."
You cannot make things undone, they are in the past. But you can level them to make them less uncomfortable and save it like that.
You can also save them as funny memories, tomorrow they'll already be nothing but history...
Maybe you had a nice weekend breakfast?
With everything you need for a perfect breakfast?
How wonderful can it be to have a long brunch, totally relaxed and peaceful.
What a blessing!
There are some people on this Earth who can't do this at the moment.
Start:
When you eat something nice and tasty today, you could notice that very consciously! As if it were a special present. It's beautiful that you get to have that, you may enjoy it : )
And if you feel able then, while breathing you could give a good thought to the people who can't have a nice meal today.
Maybe you could make the wish to satisfy all people's hunger.
*
in - enough food
out - for all people
It's nice that we're doing fine so we have the right to enjoy it.
We wish other people to be as lucky as we are, you could call that charity.
It's February 20th, 2009.
You saw about 2/3 of this month already.
According to the schedule we could do NOTHING for 1 minute and 40 seconds today.
Start:
If you like, take a simple pause today, now or later, just as you like.
When you're ready, relax, relax your face, loosen your jawbones and tongue, let a half smile into your face.
Maybe close your eyes, maybe put your hands unfastened on your thighs or in your lap.
If you observe your breathing consciously then, you could be happy about it.
Just feel the air under and in your nose. And imagine the fresh oxygen refuelling your brain and body. Notice noises and thoughts and let them pass : )
*
fresh
How do feel about this little break?
How do you feel now? Did you experience situations with a similar feeling? Which situations?
No and yes. These are two combinations of letters with opposite meanings. Nothing more than that.
Really?
There is an exercise in Aikido:
A) A pupil is holding his arm in front of his body in a horizontal position. He's thinking: "No, no, I won't let my arm be pushed down!" His partner's task is to push the arm down.
B) After A) the pupil repeats the exercise but this time he's thinking "Yes, yes, I'm holding my arm up!" His partner is trying to push the arm down again.
In my first Aikido lesson I experienced that I could hold my arm up much longer and easier in exercise B than in exercise A... Although I already spent all my energy in exercise A.
My teacher's advice for exercise B was also to imagine how I breathe 'Qi' from the area of my navel into my arm.
The effects of this are left open as to whether.
Start:
You could draw comparison between 'no' and 'yes' today. Maybe it's fun for you to try the above exercise? Or do you have a heavy physical task to do? Chop wood, move furniture, carry shopping, whatever costs you effort.
You could accompany the things you always do with "No, this is heavy, too heavy" and "Yes, that works, I'll make it". Start with 'no'. You're fresher then and got more energy.
Before you do the 'yes', pause for a moment if you'd like to, breathe calmly, relax face, jawbones and tongue, half smile and imagine how you load your body with energy by breathing.
*
How do you feel about the exercises?
In which part did you feel more powerful, A or B? Were they both the same for you or could you notice any difference?
"Oh f***, what did I do? Unforgivable..."
All of us are good in making mistakes. And we make them, even if we already know it better.
So what! Mistakes are there for being made. And one day they might even make us more clever : )
That could be our reason for delight and also for forgiving ourselves.
Start:
You might remember something that you're uneasy with because you made a 'mistake' back then.
If you breathe now, you could forgive yourself. Just do it, also when it's already so long ago.
For example you could forgive yourself because you trusted a person that wasn't good for you or because you acted in a way that wasn't good for someone else, or because you didn't do something that could have helped somebody, or because you acted unfair or whatever you consider to be a mistake.
Relax your face, jawbones, tongue, half smile, in- and exhale quietly - you could observe yourself and think "I forgive myself and I will be forgiven."
*
I forgive myself
and I will be forgiven
Foolish? Doesn't matter. If it helps!
You can do this exercise every time you feel uneasy about a 'mistake'.
Or just like that, until the feeling of annoyance or anxiety disappears.
This is an exercise that works better when you do it more often - maybe even for two weeks, daily? But then it's enough : )
What's love actually?
Sentiment? Feeling? Mentality? Energy?
Most of us got to know love in different appearances; with other people, or with pets, or things, ideas.
Many people think it's soothing to give and to receive love. As long as it is unconditional.
But what about loving ourselves?
Start:
Today we might remember when we gave unconditional love to ourselves the last time.
If this is already quite a while ago, maybe your "me" would be very happy about a moment of love.
But how do I do this?
It's very simple: Relax your face, your smile is always beautiful, and then you could observe yourself with full attention.
Your body that's working constantly for you, your mind that's doing all the best for you, your senses that feel for you and then there's your heart that's always beating for you. What magnificent masterpiece you are! You deserve all your love!
When you breathe now, just think "Love, love, love". That's totally enough.
*
Love
Love
Love
Sometimes we judge ourselves because we put strings in front of ourselves and cannot master them at this moment and under these circumstances.
Then, we might feel unworthy.
It can be helpful to remind ourselves that there are no strings to master. That we deserve our love in every single second of our life, no matter how many mistakes we make. We always do our best, but we can't do even more right now. And that's fine!
If we interdict ourselves to love us, then how could anybody else possibly love us?
Hurry, deadline pressure, hecticness - all of us got to deal with those from time to time.
There are possibilities to avoid these situations. But that's not always possible for us. And mostly the feeling of hecticness is uneasy, for us and for attendees.
You could change that : ) Simply transform the pressure of hecticness...
It's not likely to get us more time but it'll make your feelings more easy!
Start:
When you notice that you're totally under pressure, when your motions become more and more uncoordinated, when the situation is dominated by burdens and you feel uncomfortable, you could start observing every single movement you make. And laugh at it.
Also, it can be good to friendly accompany yourself by thinking "Left everything to the last minute again? Yes, relax... it'll be fine!"
Enjoy the exquisite dynamic feeling instead of railing against the situation or other persons. Such agility wasn't given to everybody ; )
Would you like to breathe calmly for 1,5 minutes now? Relax mouth, jawbones and face... and smile and breathe : )
*
Every feeling of a situation is created in the observer's eye.
When we change our view we can change our feeling about the situation. Very easy; and precisely answering our conceivabilities.
The moment of waking up in the morning is something special.
If you'd observe precisely, you might notice how you slide from one state of consciousness into another. Just a second ago asleep, now slowly more and more awake.
Depending on what life circumstances we are in, every day life thoughts can show up like lightnings.
This can even happen at night, when we're asleep with our worries. And then we're hanging around, sleepless with our worries.
Who didn't experience that before?
Start:
We could remember how we woke up today. Which thoughts came to our mind, what were our feelings, what was the expression in our face?
If you like you could imagine you waking up tomorrow. And just in the moment of becoming aware that you're waking up you could put a slight smile in your face. That's very helpful, especially when you actually don't feel like smiling...
Besides you could speak key words that are the actual opposite of what you're likely to think.
When frightened you could think "secure", when you're in grief or have a heartache you could think "happy", when you're out of money think of "plenitude", for heavy burdens think "easy", when stressed "calm", when sick "strong", when hurried "easy-going" or whatever you can think of.
And smile. The earlier you think of it after waking up, the more it might help you : )
*
How did you do with your first morning exercise? How was the spontaneous feeling about the contrary word and about your smiley face? For how long did this feeling last?
Is there any difference between saying the word(s) once and several times?
You can do this exercise for a couple of mornings if you like. And observe every day what effects it has on you.
There is one thing in life that most of us consider to be very awkward: pain.
We can differentiate between fleshly and mental pain. Both can be equally difficult for us.
Some people cannot bear as much pain as others because their pain threshold is lower.
When does pain turn over to suffering?
We can have pain in the head, in the stomach or in the back for example. And when we rebel against it, the concentration on the pain increases. Combined with rejection, suffering is created.
Start:
Maybe you have pain, pain in your head, in the neck, the back or teeth from time to time? You could try an exercise before you take pain killers, even if you think it's abstruse. Experiments make you only clever. And you can take your pain killers after... If you'll still need them then...
You might put your hand on the aching body part and name the pain, look at it or even welcome it.
You could say: "Hello pain, I feel you. It's OK that you're there."
Then you could breathe into your pain, just like you breathe into your toes.
Fresh energy and air comes into your body through your breathing, when you direct it you can feel it arriving right there where you want it to go.
Also, you could slowly walk a little through your room, aware of your feet touching the floor. Concentrate on breathing and walking, on the feeling in the soles of your feet and on your movements. (see no. 24)
*
The pain might not necessarily decrease when we accept it; but if we focus on something else, on breathing or walking or beautiful things around us for example, subjective sensation can slide and the sensation of suffering can approach towards NOTHING.
We can be sure that one of our needs hasn't been satisfied when we get angry.
Sometimes it's just not clear to us that there is a need and what need that is - so we react with anger, aggression or bother.
Start:
There are lots of different needs: needs of dependability, of peace, change and variety, fun, simplicity, humanity, needs of exchange, culture, loyalty, contact, solitude, nature, party, relaxation, movement, bindingness, caress, humour, earnestness and lots of others.
We react when our needs in general situations of life or situational happenings are not satisfied, sooner or later. Anger is only one of many ways to express that something isn't right.
Now you could think of an event that caused anger in you. Certainly one of your needs hasn't been satisfied. Which one could it be?
*
Breathing and smiling can always help. First aid.
But then we should look after ourselves and see what need it was that hasn't been satisfied and brought us so much trouble and anger.
We won't need this anger anymore if we're able to see our needs. Anger only exists to point out the lack of something to us... so we can thank our anger, too : )
"Be nice and say 'thank you' to your aunt..."
Most of us were brought up to be polite. The word "Thank you" is an essential part of politeness.
When somebody thanks us for our help or our work or whatever, we feel good about it.
But how often do we say "Thank you" to ourselves?
Start:
For once, you could thank yourself today.
Maybe because you made yourself such a nice coffee or tea this morning, or because you got yourself out of bed right on time, or because you got up at all though you really didn't feel like getting up, or you could thank yourself for nothing special, just because you are there, breathing for your body all day long, taking care of yourself with your body.
If you like, relax mouth, tongue, jawbones and face now and maybe breathe 20 times : )
*
How does it feel to thank yourself? Were you able to have good feelings or were there any resistances?
Maybe it feels a little ridiculous to thank ourselves because we were not educated to do that. Never mind!
What's the meaning of self-confidence? To be aware of one's self, right?
Or does it mean that you're aware of others perceiving you?
To become aware of one's self brings self-confidence. You don't need assessment for that. Everything is just like it is, not better, not worse.
Feelings of inferiority are created when others are put over one's self position; that's inflation of one's self.
Start:
Can you think of anything that you like to depreciate in front of others?
Maybe it's your nose, the shape of your face or your buttocks, your height, your hair - whatever part of your body you might reckon to be minor in comparison to others' bodies. Pick one.
You could start now becoming aware of how much your body part is really a part of you. And it deserves only the best. That's why all good thoughts move into that body part during the next breathings.
Nose - Thanks for breathing for me : )
Buttocks - I can always sit on you, thank you : )
Legs - Thank you for walking for me : )
*
How does it feel to send nice thoughts and even thanks to your difficult body parts? How often are you aware of the fact that the body part you criticize is a part of your own self?
Today we suggest to breathe silently for about 1 minute and 20 seconds.
Totally free of inner speech or even babble.
Now we can dispense with counting or any other helping thoughts; as long as it is possible and comfortable for us.
Start:
You could breathe silently as long as possible today.
Every time you find yourself thinking, stop the thought without any comment and start over with your silence : )
And don't even care about it if you really do 1 minute and 20 seconds!
*
How did you manage your thoughtless breathings today? Could you see any difference to the counted, commented breathing?
How often did you notice thoughts and let them fade away?
Cheer up! Everything's perfectly fine! Every single breath in silence created energy in you. That's all that counts! However, you can be very content with yourself because you did NOTHING : )
What if we want to look after ourselves before we think of anybody else?
Yes, that's totally alright!
On airplanes, mothers are supposed to first put on the breathing mask on themselves, then on their child. That's because they should stay conscious to be able to take care of their child.
We can help others much better when we ourselves are fine.
Start:
If you'd like to take 1 minute for doing NOTHING today, it would be nice to give 40 seconds of good thoughts to yourself - - > "Inhale - happy"
Then you could take 20 seconds, that's about 5 breathings, for somebody else. Pick somebody really precious today. - - > "Name of the beloved person - happy"
Relax face, tongue, jawbones; half smile, breathe and send happiness : )
*
When we'd like to give nice thoughts, we can first give them to ourselves with a good feeling.
How do you feel when you look after yourself first of all? How do you do after you've given good thoughts to yourself?
And how does it feel to think something nice for somebody else afterwards?
"What? I'm supposed to waste nice thoughts on my enemies? That'll be the day! That makes no sense..."
Really? Why are you so sure?
The Earth used to be flat. Definitely. Right?
If it's too difficult, we can start with easy persons. During the training it can become more and more easy to give good thoughts to difficult persons as well.
Start:
You could give away some happiness today while breathing. So think of somebody that you actually don't really deal with.
The cafeteria waitress, the bus driver, the lady from the ticket office, the mailman, or the supermarket till girl.
Relax jawbones and mouth, half smile, calm in- and exhale:
"May the supermarket till girl be happy." or
"Bus driver - happiness."
*
It's nice to be generous, isn't it? Giving away happiness costs absolutely NOTHING...
What is a smile?
At least one condition is fulfilled when a face smiles freely: the presence of friendly thoughts.
Others who see our smile see that instinctively and can enjoy it.
There is no easier way to transport good thoughts, right?
You can easily notice the exchange of good thoughts when two persons' eyes meet each other just for a split second. And you can also notice the positive effect on the other person. That's because good thoughts are often being sent back to us right away: the other person smiles, too.
That's fun and both us and them can enjoy it!
Start:
When you walk down the street or stand in the middle of a square today, you could give somebody 1 smile.
Breathe calmly and relax your face before you do it. Smile, just smile, without any reason, and look for eye contact, for a split second.
For the beginning choose persons who don't care about flirts and who seem nice to you.
If you'd like to breathe right now, right here, do it! : )
17 times? Or 3 times? Or something in between?
*
How many people saw you? And how many passed you by without noticing you, sunken in thoughts?
How many of those who saw you reacted in an alienated and irritated way? How many smiled back at you?
How did you feel about it?
Just like our positive thoughts can do good for ourselves, they might also do good for others.
That's no new lore.
"Keep your fingers crossed for me!" or "Tomorrow's my exam, think of me!" are enough for an example.
The thing is that you really have to think of the other.
We can think of good friends to support them. So, we can also think of our 'enemies' - a whole new possibility.
Start:
If you like you can pick somebody you have a little issue with today. This person maybe behaves in a 'stupid' way...
Now you can send peaceful thoughts to this person: "May X be peaceful and happy." or "May X be free of fears and worries." Or think of something else that's nice and suitable for the person and situation.
Relax face, tongue and jawbones, breathe calm, and while you exhale think of the person: "X - peaceful and happy." That's enough already. (And smile, it helps a lot!)
You could breathe 15-17 times, but 3 times are also enough : )
*
The things we activated with our thoughts might come back to us far sooner than we ever dared to imagine.
So now it's up to us which thoughts we choose to send to our 'enemies'...
"When somebody acts so stupid I can only get angry, cynical or condescending or aggressive."
This means it's okay to punish him or her and YOURSELF with nasty manners just because he or she acts 'so stupid'?
If somebody approaches you with an unwanted attitude, do you really have to accept that? Couldn't you just leave it to him or her? And keep your good mood?
Did you already try to do NOTHING in a situation like this and thus avoid the contamination of your own mood?
Start:
You might remember a situation when somebody said something 'really stupid' to you.
Can you feel the emotion that might come up with this memory if you would let it come up?
Instead, you could simply control it now by doing NOTHING!
By simply breathing and smiling : )
*
How often did you experience somebody spoiling YOUR mood?
What if we say that it was us who spoiled our mood? We ourselves create the origin of our bad feelings by accepting 'stupid' things from others...
Here's how you can control the situation: by thinking NOTHING, saying NOTHING, doing NOTHING. Just breathe. Just wait until the first rush of emotions calms down. You could think that it's all just a story : )
Just sense how this feels. Now, how much peace and power do you have left to act in calmness?
It's nice to observe ourselves feeling good when we do good to others.
Who doesn't know the joy of surprising somebody in a pleasant way?
And how beautiful are the feelings in you when the other one is happy about it?
Did you already experience your good mood after having been nice to somebody who's enjoying it?
How long can this good mood last sometimes?!
And so what happens when we do evil to others; when we behave in a begrudging, depreciative, angry, envious, cynical, aggressive or jealous way?
Start:
You could show yourself a situation where you thought or said something depreciative about someone.
For example "What an idiot!" or "Oh she's so ugly!" or "He doesn't get anything!" or "How can anyone be so stupid?" or however you like to express.
Now you might imagine somebody talking about you like that. How would you feel?
Just like positive energy that we send to others has a positive effect on us, negative energy sent might have a negative effect on us, don't you think so?
If you do some breathings now you can lessen dumb feelings and turn them into NOTHING : )
*
Do you think that when you find that " something really 'sucks' " you may think or say it? If it doesn't harm anybody.
Sure! We can say and think everything, right?
The question to be asked is how helpful this is... And besides, who defines whether something 'sucks' or not?
The soups sucks... This song really sucks... What she's wearing really sucks... He's just talking sucking crap all the time... This person, nation, belief or attitude really sucks...
You ARE like this or like that...
Is this really how things are?
Our valuation is just as subjective as our thinking.
It can only point out the view from our point of view.
Somebody standing right next to you will see a very different picture from his point of view. And if you'd move just a little bit you'd be able to see that, too!
An opinion is an opinion, and that's all it is: an opinion.
Start:
Today if you like, you might try to notice when you take your opinion as a fact.
You could fool around and count how often you say or think "This IS..." "He/She IS..." "You ARE..."
*
How would you feel when someone told you you ARE like this and that?
Is that really true then? Or is it just the other's opinion?
How true does your opinion become when phrased as if it were a fact?
How would you feel when he/she'd say "I think it's stupid that you..." instead of "You are stupid"?
Praise can have a positive effect, on the one hand for the one who gives it, on the other hand for the one who receives it.
So why not be generous with it?
If something that comforts you about yourself or about others catches your eye, you could comment it today. Thereby, it's enough to just think it for yourself to begin.
For example you could praise the morning already...
"Oh, what beautiful sunshine" or "Super, today there's no rain" or "What a bliss, there's just a little rain today" or "Wonderful, there's fewer rain than yesterday today" or "Nice, there's no hail" or "Luckily I'm inside where it's dry and warm" or "Luckily I have a good umbrella, otherwise I'd become so wet" or "I'm so looking forward to a hot cup of tea, as soaked as I am..."
The most simple circumstances can be counted as a 'benefit' in this way. And to earn something is mostly more fun than losing something, right?
Start:
If you like, you could just praise the time of day you're in right now.
Can you think of anything trivial now that you could have a friendly praising thought about?
If you're bold enough you could even just speak it out loud ; )
15 breathings? Jawbones, tongue and face muscles relaxed, consciously in- and exhale, calm, notice sounds and thoughts and let them pass...
*
In case the day gets stupid later, at least we've had our delights already. Nobody can take them from us anymore!
Doing NOTHING for a little while, maybe even for 1 minute... How have you been doing?
How often did you find your attention engaged with thoughts; how often did you bring it back to breathing?
Things are most fun when they're few exhausting, right? In the beginning it can be hard to focus totally on the moment, even just for short terms, even when things are found no trouble.
Therefore patience is very helpful, patience and appreciation for ourselves.
Start:
You might breathe 15 times today, or less of course, just as you like.
And just be happy today when you notice that your attention is engaged with thoughts.
That's the whole exercise: Breathe and be happy when you get your attention back to breathing : )))
How to do NOTHING:
Every day we get a new idea for doing NOTHING. Fortunately we can offer you the english translations for the 200 chapters! It's of avail to start with chapter 1.
Because it's one of the most difficult things, we might need some time to adapt. That's why we start with 1 minute during the first phase, January.
After getting inured, you may feel ready for some longer time. So February we'll try it with 2 minutes, in March you might feel able to spend 3 Minutes in doing NOTHING.
And please, don't enjoy what you do ; ) Doing NOTHING is something they always told us not to do, it cannot be a joy! Can it?
If you don't like to be patient, it's also OK. We know that millions of people are not able to do NOTHING, so don't be sad if you find yourself being like them. It's OK. Everything is OK.
Ready?
Please stop smoking, stop talking and thinking to yourself, switch off music, TV, your child, neighbor, telephone or whatever is doing SOMETHING around you.
It might be helpful to sit straight in front of your computer. Straight, but not uncomfortable, as you like it.
Now you might start reading and if you like even do an exercise.
.
We wish you all best,
Christiane Schinkel
P.S.
For a look into the complete german version
http://ich-tue-nichts-fuer-glueck-anmeldung.blogspot.com/
get the translation with
http://translate.google.com/
When somebody behaves in a way that damages us or makes us unhappy or causes any other bad feelings, we're likely to be angry at that person.
Maybe still years later. Mostly we think that it's right of us to react like this.
Undisputed, there are a lot of situations where injustice happens and where there seem to be good reasons for breaking up with the other. We can do that.
This strategy allows us to avoid any further suffering caused by the other person.
The question about our feelings in this situation is to be asked. Anger or grief, disappointment or even hate.
If we let that difficult feeling live on, we can burden ourselves with it in the end. The difficult feeling is being cultivated more and more only because we leave it alive.
Which fruits would be yielded in us? Healthy fruit or unhealthy fruit?
Start:
You could think about a person today, a person that caused difficult feelings in you, a person that you still have bad feelings about when you think of him or her.
For the exercise take someone that you're only a little angry at.
When you breathe today, take 5 out of 30 breathings to think "I forgive you and I forgive myself" (because it happened to you). It's not necessary to re-think this old memory. Just relax, breathe and smile for yourself...
*
How did this feel? Maybe thoughts appeared that told you not to forgive the other because he or she doesn't deserve it?
That's possible but for your own well-being it doesn't matter.
The worst thing is that YOU carry this feeling of anger, grief or even hate in you - the other person might have forgotten about it already...
If you want to feel better you could choose to forgive (you don't have to tell anyone about it ; )
Emotions we feel when our needs are not satisfied:
fierce, absent, fearful, abhorrence, afraid, alert, apathetic, breathless, agitated, mean, aghast, burdened, worried, bitter, aggrieved, dejected, dark, indifferent, chaos, disappointed, appalled, abject, frightened, lonely, miserable, exhausted, lazy, mousy, frustrated, hostile, inhibited, bored, blasé, helpless, irritated, cold, sick, grievous, faint-hearted, clouded, antsy, lethargic, beamless, melancholic, crestfallen, tired, abysmal, nervous, disheartened, depressed, envious, pessimistic, passive, baffled, lugubrious, drooping, moping, ashamed, guilty, sorrowful, dull, sad, anxious, overloaded, doubtful, overwhelmed, impatient, unhappy, full of grief, abashed, lost, peevish, addle, full of hate, desperate, hurt, angry, hesitating
Start:
If you feel one or several of these emotions often, it seems one or several of your needs hasn't been satisfied.
For the beginning you could find out which needs these are. That'll help you to feel better in the future.
Inner relaxation and breathing can give you the necessary strength : )
*
There is an enormous amount of different difficult emotions, don't you think so?
Every time you feel difficult emotions you can be sure that you can improve circumstances in your life.
That's an important beginning : )
Emotions we have when our needs are satisfied:
comfortable, excited, convenient, animated, emotional, amused, thankful, active, captivated, redeemed, fulfilled, astonished, relieved, expectant, amicable, fascinated, blithe, free, happy, friendly, affected, secure, calm, hopeful, alacritous, high-spirited, inspired, agile, funny, alive, easy, affectionate, passionate, motivated, communicative, brave, alert, curious, optimistic, quiet, safe, blessed, gentle, sunny, strong, deep, haughty, adventurous, surprised, ebullient, jubilant, airily, delightful, awake, confident, caressing, content
Start:
When you breathe today you could think of NOTHING or think of one of the above words.
You could totally relax your face step by step now, mouth, jawbones, tongue, cheeks, forehead, temporo, scalp, brain and neck. Then you can feel the breath between your temporo. Half smile, close eyes or focus on a blank point or on the star : )
Charity feels good.
When people feel like sticking up for others, that's wonderful. So far so good.
How do we find out if the things we do for others are also good for us?
What if we have to give too much of our own for giving charity?
When we sacrifice for others, charity could be misunderstood.
We are the other to the others; so it's okay to take care of yourself and call that charity.
Start:
Today you could remember the last time you did something good for somebody else but felt uneasy at the same time.
Maybe you gave advice that wasn't appreciated and still had to listen about the same problems again and again for weeks?
Did you care about someone and in the end you got no gratitude but felt exploited?
Do you help others with things they could actually do themselves and in the end you have to handle the difficulties?
Do you put the needs of others over your own needs and don't meet your own needs?
Do you let other people convince you 'against your will'?
Maybe you can think of a similar example?
Try to remember the point in time when your feeling changed and you started to dislike doing the favor.
It is this point in time when you forgot about your own needs. When you stopped giving charity... to yourself...
Breathe calmly for others, but before you do that, breathe for yourself : ) Relax face, jawbones and tongue, half smile, in- and exhale consciously, so long...
*
You could be good to yourself! That's charity : )
Only then we can give real charity to others.
If something 'bad' happens,
if someone does something 'stupid',
if someone says something 'mean',
and you're feeling uneasy with that, there's two steps to take:
1. Spontaneous tranquility: Breathe. Do NOTHING. Create inner silence.
2. Take good care of yourself out of tranquility. Find out calmly what makes you unhappy and take care calmly that it's prevented for the future.
Start:
If you like you could practice concentrated breathing today again.
So that it's very easy for you in future difficult situations.
Relax face, mouth, jawbones and tongue. Half smile. Observe the air going up the nose, think 'in' while inhaling, 'out' while exhaling. Or count: One - one, two - two, three - three... until ten and start all over...
*
Practice helps : )
We don't even need to become masters...
"He behaved so mean and did this and that..."
or
"Again, she treated me like that..."
There are lots of reasons for us to feel uneasy because of others' attitudes; maybe sad, frustrated, humiliated, aggrieved, disappointed, miserable, unhappy...
After conflicts like these, it's very important to bethink oneself of one's self and the conflict feelings.
It probably wouldn't be good for us if we'd ignore them.
What was it, precisely, that hurt us? What need hasn't been satisfied? We can think about those things the best when we come to tranquility.
On the other hand, do we want to authorize that person to hurt us?
Start:
Hurting attitudes are also created by insufficiency.
You could imagine that person as a 5-year-old now, back then when he/she was still little and sweet, innocent and full of dreams for life.
What happened to that child so that it became what it is now, hurting others, sometimes even on purpose?
Maybe you should feel sorry for the child in this person, just like you are to be commiserated with because you feel hurt?
If you'd like to relax now, you could just breathe and loosen jawbones, tongue, cheeks, forehead and brain : )
*
I leave it to him/her
People behave in certain ways because they have no other option in this moment. You may absolutely take care of yourself and protect yourself.
At the same time you could improve your comprehension. People who treat others badly are suffering themselves.
You decide whether you want to share that suffering; whether you allow that person to roll off his/her own suffering on you. Or whether you just leave it to him/her...
"I decide what I'm embarrassed for."
To feel embarrassment means to be able to view oneself from others' point of view and to evaluate things that are faulty, then to be embarrassed for those things. This is likely to come from a feeling of insufficiency.
If you'd have enough self-assuredness, you wouldn't have to feel embarrassed for anything anymore.
Even embarrassment that you feel because of others around you comes from your own insufficiency.
That is most clear when we feel embarrassed for someone who doesn't seem to feel ashamed at all.
And he/she doesn't even have to : ) When he/she is really self-assured...
Start:
Imagine a situation that you'd feel or felt embarrassed in. Respecting yourself you could think: "I respect fully everything I do. I am my own person and I'm true to myself."
Relax your face, mouth, tongue and jawbones and breathe consciously for yourself...
Respect
*
myself : )
How does an embarrassing situation feel when you think to yourself: "OK, that just happened and I'm totally confident about it."
You cannot make things undone, they are in the past. But you can level them to make them less uncomfortable and save it like that.
You can also save them as funny memories, tomorrow they'll already be nothing but history...
Maybe you had a nice weekend breakfast?
With everything you need for a perfect breakfast?
How wonderful can it be to have a long brunch, totally relaxed and peaceful.
What a blessing!
There are some people on this Earth who can't do this at the moment.
Start:
When you eat something nice and tasty today, you could notice that very consciously! As if it were a special present. It's beautiful that you get to have that, you may enjoy it : )
And if you feel able then, while breathing you could give a good thought to the people who can't have a nice meal today.
Maybe you could make the wish to satisfy all people's hunger.
*
in - enough food
out - for all people
It's nice that we're doing fine so we have the right to enjoy it.
We wish other people to be as lucky as we are, you could call that charity.
It's February 20th, 2009.
You saw about 2/3 of this month already.
According to the schedule we could do NOTHING for 1 minute and 40 seconds today.
Start:
If you like, take a simple pause today, now or later, just as you like.
When you're ready, relax, relax your face, loosen your jawbones and tongue, let a half smile into your face.
Maybe close your eyes, maybe put your hands unfastened on your thighs or in your lap.
If you observe your breathing consciously then, you could be happy about it.
Just feel the air under and in your nose. And imagine the fresh oxygen refuelling your brain and body. Notice noises and thoughts and let them pass : )
*
fresh
How do feel about this little break?
How do you feel now? Did you experience situations with a similar feeling? Which situations?
No and yes. These are two combinations of letters with opposite meanings. Nothing more than that.
Really?
There is an exercise in Aikido:
A) A pupil is holding his arm in front of his body in a horizontal position. He's thinking: "No, no, I won't let my arm be pushed down!" His partner's task is to push the arm down.
B) After A) the pupil repeats the exercise but this time he's thinking "Yes, yes, I'm holding my arm up!" His partner is trying to push the arm down again.
In my first Aikido lesson I experienced that I could hold my arm up much longer and easier in exercise B than in exercise A... Although I already spent all my energy in exercise A.
My teacher's advice for exercise B was also to imagine how I breathe 'Qi' from the area of my navel into my arm.
The effects of this are left open as to whether.
Start:
You could draw comparison between 'no' and 'yes' today. Maybe it's fun for you to try the above exercise? Or do you have a heavy physical task to do? Chop wood, move furniture, carry shopping, whatever costs you effort.
You could accompany the things you always do with "No, this is heavy, too heavy" and "Yes, that works, I'll make it". Start with 'no'. You're fresher then and got more energy.
Before you do the 'yes', pause for a moment if you'd like to, breathe calmly, relax face, jawbones and tongue, half smile and imagine how you load your body with energy by breathing.
*
How do you feel about the exercises?
In which part did you feel more powerful, A or B? Were they both the same for you or could you notice any difference?
"Oh f***, what did I do? Unforgivable..."
All of us are good in making mistakes. And we make them, even if we already know it better.
So what! Mistakes are there for being made. And one day they might even make us more clever : )
That could be our reason for delight and also for forgiving ourselves.
Start:
You might remember something that you're uneasy with because you made a 'mistake' back then.
If you breathe now, you could forgive yourself. Just do it, also when it's already so long ago.
For example you could forgive yourself because you trusted a person that wasn't good for you or because you acted in a way that wasn't good for someone else, or because you didn't do something that could have helped somebody, or because you acted unfair or whatever you consider to be a mistake.
Relax your face, jawbones, tongue, half smile, in- and exhale quietly - you could observe yourself and think "I forgive myself and I will be forgiven."
*
I forgive myself
and I will be forgiven
Foolish? Doesn't matter. If it helps!
You can do this exercise every time you feel uneasy about a 'mistake'.
Or just like that, until the feeling of annoyance or anxiety disappears.
This is an exercise that works better when you do it more often - maybe even for two weeks, daily? But then it's enough : )
What's love actually?
Sentiment? Feeling? Mentality? Energy?
Most of us got to know love in different appearances; with other people, or with pets, or things, ideas.
Many people think it's soothing to give and to receive love. As long as it is unconditional.
But what about loving ourselves?
Start:
Today we might remember when we gave unconditional love to ourselves the last time.
If this is already quite a while ago, maybe your "me" would be very happy about a moment of love.
But how do I do this?
It's very simple: Relax your face, your smile is always beautiful, and then you could observe yourself with full attention.
Your body that's working constantly for you, your mind that's doing all the best for you, your senses that feel for you and then there's your heart that's always beating for you. What magnificent masterpiece you are! You deserve all your love!
When you breathe now, just think "Love, love, love". That's totally enough.
*
Love
Love
Love
Sometimes we judge ourselves because we put strings in front of ourselves and cannot master them at this moment and under these circumstances.
Then, we might feel unworthy.
It can be helpful to remind ourselves that there are no strings to master. That we deserve our love in every single second of our life, no matter how many mistakes we make. We always do our best, but we can't do even more right now. And that's fine!
If we interdict ourselves to love us, then how could anybody else possibly love us?
Hurry, deadline pressure, hecticness - all of us got to deal with those from time to time.
There are possibilities to avoid these situations. But that's not always possible for us. And mostly the feeling of hecticness is uneasy, for us and for attendees.
You could change that : ) Simply transform the pressure of hecticness...
It's not likely to get us more time but it'll make your feelings more easy!
Start:
When you notice that you're totally under pressure, when your motions become more and more uncoordinated, when the situation is dominated by burdens and you feel uncomfortable, you could start observing every single movement you make. And laugh at it.
Also, it can be good to friendly accompany yourself by thinking "Left everything to the last minute again? Yes, relax... it'll be fine!"
Enjoy the exquisite dynamic feeling instead of railing against the situation or other persons. Such agility wasn't given to everybody ; )
Would you like to breathe calmly for 1,5 minutes now? Relax mouth, jawbones and face... and smile and breathe : )
*
Every feeling of a situation is created in the observer's eye.
When we change our view we can change our feeling about the situation. Very easy; and precisely answering our conceivabilities.
The moment of waking up in the morning is something special.
If you'd observe precisely, you might notice how you slide from one state of consciousness into another. Just a second ago asleep, now slowly more and more awake.
Depending on what life circumstances we are in, every day life thoughts can show up like lightnings.
This can even happen at night, when we're asleep with our worries. And then we're hanging around, sleepless with our worries.
Who didn't experience that before?
Start:
We could remember how we woke up today. Which thoughts came to our mind, what were our feelings, what was the expression in our face?
If you like you could imagine you waking up tomorrow. And just in the moment of becoming aware that you're waking up you could put a slight smile in your face. That's very helpful, especially when you actually don't feel like smiling...
Besides you could speak key words that are the actual opposite of what you're likely to think.
When frightened you could think "secure", when you're in grief or have a heartache you could think "happy", when you're out of money think of "plenitude", for heavy burdens think "easy", when stressed "calm", when sick "strong", when hurried "easy-going" or whatever you can think of.
And smile. The earlier you think of it after waking up, the more it might help you : )
*
How did you do with your first morning exercise? How was the spontaneous feeling about the contrary word and about your smiley face? For how long did this feeling last?
Is there any difference between saying the word(s) once and several times?
You can do this exercise for a couple of mornings if you like. And observe every day what effects it has on you.
There is one thing in life that most of us consider to be very awkward: pain.
We can differentiate between fleshly and mental pain. Both can be equally difficult for us.
Some people cannot bear as much pain as others because their pain threshold is lower.
When does pain turn over to suffering?
We can have pain in the head, in the stomach or in the back for example. And when we rebel against it, the concentration on the pain increases. Combined with rejection, suffering is created.
Start:
Maybe you have pain, pain in your head, in the neck, the back or teeth from time to time? You could try an exercise before you take pain killers, even if you think it's abstruse. Experiments make you only clever. And you can take your pain killers after... If you'll still need them then...
You might put your hand on the aching body part and name the pain, look at it or even welcome it.
You could say: "Hello pain, I feel you. It's OK that you're there."
Then you could breathe into your pain, just like you breathe into your toes.
Fresh energy and air comes into your body through your breathing, when you direct it you can feel it arriving right there where you want it to go.
Also, you could slowly walk a little through your room, aware of your feet touching the floor. Concentrate on breathing and walking, on the feeling in the soles of your feet and on your movements. (see no. 24)
*
The pain might not necessarily decrease when we accept it; but if we focus on something else, on breathing or walking or beautiful things around us for example, subjective sensation can slide and the sensation of suffering can approach towards NOTHING.
We can be sure that one of our needs hasn't been satisfied when we get angry.
Sometimes it's just not clear to us that there is a need and what need that is - so we react with anger, aggression or bother.
Start:
There are lots of different needs: needs of dependability, of peace, change and variety, fun, simplicity, humanity, needs of exchange, culture, loyalty, contact, solitude, nature, party, relaxation, movement, bindingness, caress, humour, earnestness and lots of others.
We react when our needs in general situations of life or situational happenings are not satisfied, sooner or later. Anger is only one of many ways to express that something isn't right.
Now you could think of an event that caused anger in you. Certainly one of your needs hasn't been satisfied. Which one could it be?
*
Breathing and smiling can always help. First aid.
But then we should look after ourselves and see what need it was that hasn't been satisfied and brought us so much trouble and anger.
We won't need this anger anymore if we're able to see our needs. Anger only exists to point out the lack of something to us... so we can thank our anger, too : )
"Be nice and say 'thank you' to your aunt..."
Most of us were brought up to be polite. The word "Thank you" is an essential part of politeness.
When somebody thanks us for our help or our work or whatever, we feel good about it.
But how often do we say "Thank you" to ourselves?
Start:
For once, you could thank yourself today.
Maybe because you made yourself such a nice coffee or tea this morning, or because you got yourself out of bed right on time, or because you got up at all though you really didn't feel like getting up, or you could thank yourself for nothing special, just because you are there, breathing for your body all day long, taking care of yourself with your body.
If you like, relax mouth, tongue, jawbones and face now and maybe breathe 20 times : )
*
How does it feel to thank yourself? Were you able to have good feelings or were there any resistances?
Maybe it feels a little ridiculous to thank ourselves because we were not educated to do that. Never mind!
What's the meaning of self-confidence? To be aware of one's self, right?
Or does it mean that you're aware of others perceiving you?
To become aware of one's self brings self-confidence. You don't need assessment for that. Everything is just like it is, not better, not worse.
Feelings of inferiority are created when others are put over one's self position; that's inflation of one's self.
Start:
Can you think of anything that you like to depreciate in front of others?
Maybe it's your nose, the shape of your face or your buttocks, your height, your hair - whatever part of your body you might reckon to be minor in comparison to others' bodies. Pick one.
You could start now becoming aware of how much your body part is really a part of you. And it deserves only the best. That's why all good thoughts move into that body part during the next breathings.
Nose - Thanks for breathing for me : )
Buttocks - I can always sit on you, thank you : )
Legs - Thank you for walking for me : )
*
How does it feel to send nice thoughts and even thanks to your difficult body parts? How often are you aware of the fact that the body part you criticize is a part of your own self?
Today we suggest to breathe silently for about 1 minute and 20 seconds.
Totally free of inner speech or even babble.
Now we can dispense with counting or any other helping thoughts; as long as it is possible and comfortable for us.
Start:
You could breathe silently as long as possible today.
Every time you find yourself thinking, stop the thought without any comment and start over with your silence : )
And don't even care about it if you really do 1 minute and 20 seconds!
*
How did you manage your thoughtless breathings today? Could you see any difference to the counted, commented breathing?
How often did you notice thoughts and let them fade away?
Cheer up! Everything's perfectly fine! Every single breath in silence created energy in you. That's all that counts! However, you can be very content with yourself because you did NOTHING : )
What if we want to look after ourselves before we think of anybody else?
Yes, that's totally alright!
On airplanes, mothers are supposed to first put on the breathing mask on themselves, then on their child. That's because they should stay conscious to be able to take care of their child.
We can help others much better when we ourselves are fine.
Start:
If you'd like to take 1 minute for doing NOTHING today, it would be nice to give 40 seconds of good thoughts to yourself - - > "Inhale - happy"
Then you could take 20 seconds, that's about 5 breathings, for somebody else. Pick somebody really precious today. - - > "Name of the beloved person - happy"
Relax face, tongue, jawbones; half smile, breathe and send happiness : )
*
When we'd like to give nice thoughts, we can first give them to ourselves with a good feeling.
How do you feel when you look after yourself first of all? How do you do after you've given good thoughts to yourself?
And how does it feel to think something nice for somebody else afterwards?
"What? I'm supposed to waste nice thoughts on my enemies? That'll be the day! That makes no sense..."
Really? Why are you so sure?
The Earth used to be flat. Definitely. Right?
If it's too difficult, we can start with easy persons. During the training it can become more and more easy to give good thoughts to difficult persons as well.
Start:
You could give away some happiness today while breathing. So think of somebody that you actually don't really deal with.
The cafeteria waitress, the bus driver, the lady from the ticket office, the mailman, or the supermarket till girl.
Relax jawbones and mouth, half smile, calm in- and exhale:
"May the supermarket till girl be happy." or
"Bus driver - happiness."
*
It's nice to be generous, isn't it? Giving away happiness costs absolutely NOTHING...
What is a smile?
At least one condition is fulfilled when a face smiles freely: the presence of friendly thoughts.
Others who see our smile see that instinctively and can enjoy it.
There is no easier way to transport good thoughts, right?
You can easily notice the exchange of good thoughts when two persons' eyes meet each other just for a split second. And you can also notice the positive effect on the other person. That's because good thoughts are often being sent back to us right away: the other person smiles, too.
That's fun and both us and them can enjoy it!
Start:
When you walk down the street or stand in the middle of a square today, you could give somebody 1 smile.
Breathe calmly and relax your face before you do it. Smile, just smile, without any reason, and look for eye contact, for a split second.
For the beginning choose persons who don't care about flirts and who seem nice to you.
If you'd like to breathe right now, right here, do it! : )
17 times? Or 3 times? Or something in between?
*
How many people saw you? And how many passed you by without noticing you, sunken in thoughts?
How many of those who saw you reacted in an alienated and irritated way? How many smiled back at you?
How did you feel about it?
Just like our positive thoughts can do good for ourselves, they might also do good for others.
That's no new lore.
"Keep your fingers crossed for me!" or "Tomorrow's my exam, think of me!" are enough for an example.
The thing is that you really have to think of the other.
We can think of good friends to support them. So, we can also think of our 'enemies' - a whole new possibility.
Start:
If you like you can pick somebody you have a little issue with today. This person maybe behaves in a 'stupid' way...
Now you can send peaceful thoughts to this person: "May X be peaceful and happy." or "May X be free of fears and worries." Or think of something else that's nice and suitable for the person and situation.
Relax face, tongue and jawbones, breathe calm, and while you exhale think of the person: "X - peaceful and happy." That's enough already. (And smile, it helps a lot!)
You could breathe 15-17 times, but 3 times are also enough : )
*
The things we activated with our thoughts might come back to us far sooner than we ever dared to imagine.
So now it's up to us which thoughts we choose to send to our 'enemies'...
"When somebody acts so stupid I can only get angry, cynical or condescending or aggressive."
This means it's okay to punish him or her and YOURSELF with nasty manners just because he or she acts 'so stupid'?
If somebody approaches you with an unwanted attitude, do you really have to accept that? Couldn't you just leave it to him or her? And keep your good mood?
Did you already try to do NOTHING in a situation like this and thus avoid the contamination of your own mood?
Start:
You might remember a situation when somebody said something 'really stupid' to you.
Can you feel the emotion that might come up with this memory if you would let it come up?
Instead, you could simply control it now by doing NOTHING!
By simply breathing and smiling : )
*
How often did you experience somebody spoiling YOUR mood?
What if we say that it was us who spoiled our mood? We ourselves create the origin of our bad feelings by accepting 'stupid' things from others...
Here's how you can control the situation: by thinking NOTHING, saying NOTHING, doing NOTHING. Just breathe. Just wait until the first rush of emotions calms down. You could think that it's all just a story : )
Just sense how this feels. Now, how much peace and power do you have left to act in calmness?
It's nice to observe ourselves feeling good when we do good to others.
Who doesn't know the joy of surprising somebody in a pleasant way?
And how beautiful are the feelings in you when the other one is happy about it?
Did you already experience your good mood after having been nice to somebody who's enjoying it?
How long can this good mood last sometimes?!
And so what happens when we do evil to others; when we behave in a begrudging, depreciative, angry, envious, cynical, aggressive or jealous way?
Start:
You could show yourself a situation where you thought or said something depreciative about someone.
For example "What an idiot!" or "Oh she's so ugly!" or "He doesn't get anything!" or "How can anyone be so stupid?" or however you like to express.
Now you might imagine somebody talking about you like that. How would you feel?
Just like positive energy that we send to others has a positive effect on us, negative energy sent might have a negative effect on us, don't you think so?
If you do some breathings now you can lessen dumb feelings and turn them into NOTHING : )
*
Do you think that when you find that " something really 'sucks' " you may think or say it? If it doesn't harm anybody.
Sure! We can say and think everything, right?
The question to be asked is how helpful this is... And besides, who defines whether something 'sucks' or not?
The soups sucks... This song really sucks... What she's wearing really sucks... He's just talking sucking crap all the time... This person, nation, belief or attitude really sucks...
You ARE like this or like that...
Is this really how things are?
Our valuation is just as subjective as our thinking.
It can only point out the view from our point of view.
Somebody standing right next to you will see a very different picture from his point of view. And if you'd move just a little bit you'd be able to see that, too!
An opinion is an opinion, and that's all it is: an opinion.
Start:
Today if you like, you might try to notice when you take your opinion as a fact.
You could fool around and count how often you say or think "This IS..." "He/She IS..." "You ARE..."
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How would you feel when someone told you you ARE like this and that?
Is that really true then? Or is it just the other's opinion?
How true does your opinion become when phrased as if it were a fact?
How would you feel when he/she'd say "I think it's stupid that you..." instead of "You are stupid"?
Praise can have a positive effect, on the one hand for the one who gives it, on the other hand for the one who receives it.
So why not be generous with it?
If something that comforts you about yourself or about others catches your eye, you could comment it today. Thereby, it's enough to just think it for yourself to begin.
For example you could praise the morning already...
"Oh, what beautiful sunshine" or "Super, today there's no rain" or "What a bliss, there's just a little rain today" or "Wonderful, there's fewer rain than yesterday today" or "Nice, there's no hail" or "Luckily I'm inside where it's dry and warm" or "Luckily I have a good umbrella, otherwise I'd become so wet" or "I'm so looking forward to a hot cup of tea, as soaked as I am..."
The most simple circumstances can be counted as a 'benefit' in this way. And to earn something is mostly more fun than losing something, right?
Start:
If you like, you could just praise the time of day you're in right now.
Can you think of anything trivial now that you could have a friendly praising thought about?
If you're bold enough you could even just speak it out loud ; )
15 breathings? Jawbones, tongue and face muscles relaxed, consciously in- and exhale, calm, notice sounds and thoughts and let them pass...
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In case the day gets stupid later, at least we've had our delights already. Nobody can take them from us anymore!
Doing NOTHING for a little while, maybe even for 1 minute... How have you been doing?
How often did you find your attention engaged with thoughts; how often did you bring it back to breathing?
Things are most fun when they're few exhausting, right? In the beginning it can be hard to focus totally on the moment, even just for short terms, even when things are found no trouble.
Therefore patience is very helpful, patience and appreciation for ourselves.
Start:
You might breathe 15 times today, or less of course, just as you like.
And just be happy today when you notice that your attention is engaged with thoughts.
That's the whole exercise: Breathe and be happy when you get your attention back to breathing : )))
